Happy Birthday Artemis!
by Heera Malhotra
Summary: Sequel to 'The First Female LEP Commander' sort of, it has my OC from that story. Artemis has a typical fifteenth birthday...or does he? Please read and review!
1. Boy in Waiting

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of Eoin Colfer's characters. I'm planning more chapters, so please review.**_

Artemis waited impatiently for Anna-Maria to arrive. There he was, sitting on a bench in an Ireland park, waiting for the watch on his wrist to strike twelve. "A genius is never late." He muttered to himself under his breath. "Where is she? She said she would be here."

Butler glanced at him for a moment. "Artemis, what are you so anxious about? Surely you can wait another two minutes. Although, gazing at Anna-Maria in real life is quite different from sneaking glances at the photograph of her that is in your desk drawer."

Artemis reddened. "So you found it."

"Someone could easily plant an explosive in your desk if he or she manages to make it past the security cameras and myself." Butler replied.

"While I admit that what you say is true, old friend, it is highly unlikely that anyone will be able to make it past you."

"Anyone _human_." The bodyguard corrected.

"Anyone human." Artemis agreed. "However, even if some supernatural force manages that particular feat, we always have friends among the People we can rely on."

Butler turned. "Speaking of friends among the People, here comes one now."

Artemis twisted around so rapidly, he came close to falling off the bench, steadying himself at the last second.

"_Ciao_, Artemis."

The boy genius looked up and smiled. "_Salve_, Anna-Maria. I was afraid you wouldn't make it."

The Italian girl sat next to him. "Why wouldn't I? Especially on your birthday."

Artemis looked down. "Oh, you remembered."

Anna-Maria put one hand in her jacket. "Of course, and I have a present for you as well. Happy birthday." Bringing her hand out, she showed Artemis the tiny spider-shaped robot in her palm.

Artemis studied it for a moment. "A miniature version of _Antonio_?"

Anna-Maria nodded.

"Its name?"

"It does not possess one at the moment. When you name it, it will choose the proper gender and voice pattern. Stroke its abdomen."

Artemis reached out and patted the shell of the robot. It immediately activated and clambered up his arm to rest on his shoulder.

"Name?" A mechanical voice asked.

"Um, _Antonina_." Artemis replied.

"Processing…" The mechanical voice was then replaced with that of a female. "Hello, Master Fowl. I am _Antonina_. Is there anything you require?"

"Not at this moment."

Anna-Maria raised an eyebrow at him. "Little Antonia? Well, I can't give you credit for originality on that one."

Artemis smiled as Butler turned to hide a grin. Having Artemis and Anna-Maria together at the same place was always interesting… and there were always humorous instances.

Artemis was about to reply when a girl's voice cried out, "Why, Arty! Fancy meeting you here!"

Artemis felt sweat gather on the back of his neck as he silently prayed, _Please, please don't be…_ he turned around. _It is. I am so dead._

_**I love chapters with cliff-hanger endings…when I write them. Please review!**_


	2. Birthday Suprise

_**Okay, my next chapter is up! For those people who keep looking at my story, please push the little 'review' button before closing the page. For my reviewers (reviewer), I thank you. If you like what you read, let me know; if you don't let me know anyway! There will be a bit more action in the next chapter.**_

Anna-Maria was enjoying the look on Artemis' face when an unfamiliar female voice rang out: "Why, Arty! Fancy meeting you here!" Well, to her it was unfamiliar, but Artemis appeared to recognize it.

Ignoring the tensed and rigid form of Artemis' body, Anna-Maria looked up to see a relatively tall girl with curly blond hair, blue eyes, and eyeglasses. Minerva Paradizo. _What is she doing here?_ Anna-Maria frowned as this thought popped into her mind. _And why does Artemis seem to dread the fact that she's here? Hmmm… she has a very shady LEP file. Something tells me this is going to be a problem._

Minerva stared at Anna-Maria with an expression of puzzlement and hidden contempt. "Who are you?"

"Since you appear to have shown up here to meet Artemis, my own identity is hardly relevant." She replied.

"Whatever." Minerva sat herself on Artemis' other side, much to the boy genius' discomfort. "Arty, what are the odds of meeting you here?"

Artemis stared at her blankly. "This park is in Ireland, and I'm Irish. What are you doing here? And don't call me 'Arty'."

Minerva giggled, much to Anna-Maria's surprise and annoyance. "Oh, Arty, you're so silly. I'm here on vacation, of course. Aren't you happy to see me?"

_Happy, no; surprised, yes. _He thought. _And for heaven's sake stop calling me 'Arty'. _Instead, Artemis said, "Um, I'll be right back." Standing up, Artemis walked over to the shade of an oak tree fifteen feet away from Minerva. As he passed Butler, he said, "Butler, old friend, I believe there is a matter of grave importance that I must discuss with you. Please be so kind as to follow me."

Butler followed his charge dutifully as he vanished underneath the leaves of the tree. "Okay, Artemis. What's the problem?"

Artemis faced his bodyguard. "The problem, Butler, is that I have not yet told Minerva about Anna-Maria and they are now face-to-face."

Butler raised an eyebrow. "I'm going to need a further explanation."

Artemis sighed. "I have not gotten around to telling Minerva that I do not have any interest towards her, not the kind that she seems to think, anyway."

"Since when? Artemis, as a teenager, your attentions can be very fickle. You might like Anna-Maria now, but next week you might find yourself thinking about someone else, possibly Minerva." He advised.

"I doubt it, old friend. The reactions to seeing pretty girls and seeing Anna-Maria are different. When I see Anna-Maria or think about her, I find myself unable to sleep, eat, and function properly otherwise. She makes me feel… as if I am the only person in the world she really needs and wants."

"Okay, and I understand why you haven't revealed this to Minerva. But other than that, why are you so apprehensive?"

"Have you not noticed? Anna-Maria and Minerva are complete parallels of each other! Anna-Maria is a brunette with straight hair and green eyes. Minerva is a blonde with curly locks and blue eyes. Anna-Maria is Italian and half-elf, whereas Minerva is French and fully human. Anna-Maria is also commander of the LEP, but Minerva has never worked a day in her life! The only thing the two have in common is that they are both genii!"

"And they both like you." Butler pointed out.

"Perhaps," Artemis agreed. "But if Anna-Maria likes me the way Minerva does, she is very good at concealing it."

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Minerva watched Artemis leave before turning to Anna-Maria. _What is up with those ears? _She wondered. _She must be half-fairy. Why is Artemis meeting with a girl like that instead of me? I'll have to get rid of her._

"So," She said, sidling over to where Anna-Maria was sitting, legs crossed. "How long have you known Artemis?"

Anna-Maria's brow furrowed as she fought to keep control of the temper that she had inherited from her father, Julius Root. "I don't think that is any of your business." She replied through clenched teeth.

_How rude. _Minerva thought. _I can't begin to imagine what Artemis sees in this girl _(amazingly, this is exactly what Anna-Maria was thinking) "Oh. How much land do you own?"

"**_Excuse me_**?"

"Um… see, I have to make sure that you are up to the same social status as Artemis and myself."

"Social status?" Anna-Maria repeated. "I will have you know that I am the commander of the Lower Elements Police in the city of Haven."

"Oh, you're a police officer. How… quaint."

"…and I am also the heir of a rather large manor in Venice; a fortune left to me by my maternal grandmother."

"Oh," Minerva giggled again. "I see."

Anna-Maria frowned. _She is really beginning to get on my nerves. Perhaps a little manipulation is in order; it couldn't hurt. _Her eyes turned silver.

"Well, anyway, I was just asking because as you probably know, Artemis and I are both heirs to rather large empires, and…" Minerva broke off mid-sentence, noticing Anna-Maria's eyes. "What…what's wrong with your eyes? They're… they're _silver_."

Anna-Maria cocked her head and raised both eyebrows at her. "Are they?"

"Yes, they are." Minerva reached into her purse and pulled out a hand mirror. _What if she's a vampire? Vampires don't have reflections, which means…_

She held the mirror up to Anna-Maria's face. _Yes, phew; she does have a reflection._

Anna-Maria's eyes turned violet and her reflection disappeared from the face of the mirror.

Minerva stared at it in horror before looking at Anna-Maria again. Big mistake. "Aah!" She yelped. "Y-your eyes! Now they're purple! And you have no reflection! You're a vampire!"

Anna-Maria grinned. _A vampire? This is interesting._

Minerva got off the bench unsteadily, walking backwards slowly. "But… but… Daddy told me that there was no such thing as vampires! He… he wouldn't lie to me! Unless… he did." _Help. _She thought as she fell backwards into a bed of pansies, legs flailing.

Anna-Maria's eyes turned green again as she laughed. "Hmm…, perhaps I went too far that time, possibly." She said to herself.

Artemis joined her at that moment. "Anna-Maria, you're still here, good. I… where's Minerva?"

Anna-Maria pointed. "She had a little incident involving pansies." She replied as she laughed.

"Oh, Anna-Maria. That…chuckles is not… laughs softly exactly humorous… breaks into hysterical peals of laughter".

Anna-Maria smiled. "I have to leave now, Artemis; but I'll see you later. We're all celebrating your birthday tonight. Holly will come by around eight to pick you up. We have reservations at the fanciest restaurant in Haven."

Artemis grinned. "I'll be there."

"Of course you will, because if you are not; then I will personally sign your death notice as well as Holly's. _Capisci_?"

"Oh, yes. I understand perfectly."

Anna-Maria grinned mischievously. "Good."

_**Well, that's my second chapter! Please feel free to hit the button that says "submit review". Come on, it will only take a second…**_


	3. LEP Business

_**Allow me to clear up some confusion over Anna-Maria's eye color. Yes, she does have fairy magic, but from her mother's side of the family she genetically inherited psychic powers. Her eyes turn silver whenever she uses her telekinesis and she also has the power to manipulate and create images; her eyes turn purple when she uses this power. That explains how her reflection (which qualifies as an image) disappeared from Minerva's mirror after her eyes turned purple. Her normal eye color is green. And before anyone asks, yes, Artemis knows of her powers, but he also knows that she doesn't use them often unless she really needs them. This chapter is a bit more about what it's like for Anna-Maria as LEP commander. Read and Review please! **_

Anna-Maria slipped her LEP uniform on over her tunic and pants and walked into her office. "Hello, Antonio." She told the small robot perched on her desk. "Status report, please."

Antonio's head swiveled around for a moment as he gathered the proper information. "Caballine is working on a new wing design in the tech booth. She says they will be ready by next week for testing."

"Good, anything else?"

"There is a virus going around; several of our officers are out on leave due to illness."

Anna-Maria frowned. "Hmmm… we might have to borrow a few officers from Section Eight if this epidemic continues. What else, Antonio?"

"There was a rogue troll who managed to get to the surface a few hours ago."

"And he has been caught?"

"Sort of."

Anna-Maria looked up from the files she had been organizing. "Sort of? How do you 'sort of' catch a troll?"

Antonio squirmed uncomfortably, for a robot. "The troll was apprehended and brought back to Haven; however… he escaped as he was being transferred from a shuttle to a cell. He is currently wandering wildly in the streets."

"What?!" Anna-Maria exclaimed. "How many officers are handling the situation?"

Antonio did some quick calculations. "Five." He said finally.

"Only five?! How many officers have work during this shift?"

"Twenty-four." Antonio said sheepishly.

"And of those twenty-four officers, only five are going after the troll? This is ridiculous. Where's my neutrino 4000?" Anna-Maria grabbed it and belted the sheath around her waist, mumbling, "If you want something done properly, you have to do it yourself. Why is it always like that?"

"Backup?" Antonio chimed.

"Two officers." Anna-Maria replied. "Make it Trouble and Chix." She added.

Antonio made a nodding motion. "Paging Officers Trouble Kelp and Chix Verbil."

Both officers arrived at the door in seconds. "You paged us, Commander?" Trouble panted.

Anna-Maria closed her office door as she exited. "Trouble, Chix, did you know of the troll that escaped earlier this afternoon?"

Both officers nodded.

"Then why are the majority of the officers on duty still in the building? It takes a lot more than five officers to keep a rogue under control."

"It also takes a lot more than eight." Trouble replied.

"I know what I'm doing, Major." She told him.

Chix winked at her. "Relax, sweetheart. We've got it under control."

Anna-Maria scowled at him. "Chix! How many times must I remind you: I am now your commanding officer and every time you call me 'sweetheart', your job is on the line!"

Chix immediately lowered his head. "My apologies Commander Root, Sir… I mean Madam."

Anna-Maria rolled her eyes. "Never mind. Just come with me." The elf and sprite did so obediently. "Your instructions are as follows: Chix, you will make sure that all civilians are out of the area. Major Kelp, your job is to distract the troll. Any questions?"

"Can't Chix be the distraction?" Trouble asked. "I'd rather help you catch the troll."

"Sorry, Major. I doubt the troll will want to hear stories of Verbil's various girlfriends."

Chix reddened. "How was I supposed to know they wouldn't distract a bunch of goblins?"

Anna-Maria ignored him. "However, Major, I'm sure you can be of assistance. But you need to keep the troll away from me so I can get him in the weak spot."

"Aren't you in more danger than the rest of us? Seeing as you're half-elf and half-human, the troll is likely to find your scent both tangy and sweet at the same time, which is just like heaven for some of his breed." Chix said.

"Don't remind me." Anna-Maria replied as she pushed open the doors of Police Plaza.

The streets of Haven were in utter turmoil. The troll was **huge**, a fact that was even greater emphasized by all the civilians who were screaming and running away from it as five LEP officers strained to keep it in check.

"Chix, get two other officers and get everyone who isn't authorized away from here. Trouble, come on, we have a troll to apprehend." The group split up.  
Trouble followed Anna-Maria as she wove her way through the crowd. It was amazing how someone at least half a foot taller than everyone around her could move so quickly; or at least it was to Trouble. He wrapped his fingers around his buzz baton, prepared to defend himself and Anna-Maria if he had to (and seeing as there was a troll in front of them, he would have to).

Anna-Maria drew her neutrino. "Are you ready, Major?"

Trouble nodded.

"Good. Go on three. One… two… three, go!"

Trouble charged into the troll, aiming his buzz baton at the thing's thighs. The troll roared in rage and pain and turned to eliminate its challenger. Trouble ducked and wove in between the rogue's legs as the animal tried to tear him to shreds.

Anna-Maria turned up the setting on her neutrino and fired a burst into the space between the troll's eyes. The troll was stunned, but only for a moment. Turning in Anna-Maria's direction, the troll sniffed and Trouble noticed the venomous drool dripping from its mouth. Trouble hit the troll with his buzz baton again as Anna-Maria fired two more laser bursts at it. A double assault was too much for the troll and it fell to the ground backwards, its eyes rolling back in its head.

"We need a cage, now!" Anna-Maria ordered. Four officers dashed off to get it, leaving Chix, Trouble, Anna-Maria, and Grub alone.

"Grub, what are you doing here?" Trouble asked his little brother.

"I was at Spud's Spud Emporium for lunch, and the troll got loose as I walked out. Wait till I tell Mommy I helped arrest a rogue troll!" Grub replied.

"But you didn't." Chix said. "You were helping me make sure that all the civilians were gone, and you did that by hiding behind a cardboard box!"

"Well, I don't have to tell Mommy that part." Grub mumbled.

"Corporal Kelp, perhaps you should get back to your cubicle." Anna-Maria interjected.

Grub hung his head sheepishly. "Yes, Commander. But I got some troll spit on my uniform. Maybe I should…"

"File a complaint?" The other three officers finished for him.

Grub looked surprised. "Yeah, how did you know what I was going to say?"

Anna-Maria and Trouble rolled their eyes as Chix tried to hold back a snort.

"Just go in and call Mom, Grub." Trouble told him.

"I'm telling Mommy that you boss me around!"

_**I hope you liked it! Review please!! If you feel I have Trouble, Grub, or Chix out of character, please let me know!**_


	4. Getting Ready

_**Yes! My fourth chapter is up! Sorry, it's kind of short. Anyway, don't forget to review!**_

Artemis stood in front of the long mirror in his bedroom. "Maybe I should do something with my hair."

"Just make sure it's combed." Butler said, coming in.

Artemis turned. "Listening in, Butler? I thought such behavior was beneath you."

"When you're a bodyguard, Artemis, nothing is beneath you. Holly will be here soon. Do you have your phone?"

Artemis checked his suit pocket. "Yes."

"Good, give me a call if anything goes wrong."

"You aren't coming? Why not?"

"I'd love to come, Artemis. But I'll probably frighten the living daylights out of everyone at the restaurant. Birthday parties shouldn't have a stressful atmosphere. I know you'll be safe with Holly."

"Very well, old friend. You may stay, but please, relax. Consider it your night off." Artemis replied.

"I think I will." Butler turned to leave. "Oh, and by the way, your hair is fine. But your tie doesn't go well with that suit. Why don't you wear a red one?"

Artemis frowned. "The tie looks fine to me."

"It's okay." Butler agreed. "But you would look a lot better in a red one."

"But it would produce a massive contrast to my eyes; I do not wish to look like a rainbow!"

"If you take that blue contact lens off your left eye you **will** look like a rainbow."

"That was not a very helpful comment." Artemis grumbled. "Very well, I will wear a red tie, but not a bright one."

"Why not a bright one?" Butler asked, curious.

"First of all, I detest extremely bright colors when they are on my person; second of all, I do not wish to look like a Christmas tree next to Holly, who will doubtless be wearing something green-colored."

"Well, if you are mistaken for a Christmas tree, at least you will be a very intelligent one."

"Not helping, Butler. Honestly, how do I look?" He asked.

"You look great, Artemis, really. Just don't let Holly drop you into a mud puddle."

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Anna-Maria flopped onto her bed and closed her eyes. It wasn't long before Holly startled her into alertness.

"Holly! What are you still doing here? You are supposed to pick up Artemis at eight!"

"Relax, it's only six. I'll leave in a few minutes. I just came to check on you."

"Well, thank you, but I'm fine. Just go get Artemis." Anna-Maria replied.

Holly frowned. "Aren't you going to change?"

"What is wrong with the attire I am currently wearing?"

Holly gestured to Anna-Maria's suit. "You look like you're going to a business meeting."

"So? Artemis always wears suits." She replied.

"Yes, but you're a girl, and it's a party. Wear something a little less formal."

"Like what?"

Holly opened Anna-Maria's closet and took out a red sleeveless mid-length evening gown. "Something like this."

Anna-Maria stared at it. "It has ruffles along the hem, and the hem itself has a curve to it."

Holly threw it on top of the half-fairy girl. "That's the design. Why do you even have it in your closet if you don't plan on wearing it?"

Anna-Maria pulled the gown off her head. "It was a gift from Commander Vinyaya when I first became commander of the LEP. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I accepted it."

"Whatever. Just put it on." Holly dove into Anna-Maria's closet again. "And you should also wear these." She held up a pair of stylish silver high-heels.

Anna-Maria got off her bed and closed her closet. "I don't think so. Why don't you wear them?"

"Me? I wouldn't look as pretty in them as you would." Holly replied. "Now put them on. And do something with your hair."

"_Scusi_? What's wrong with my hair?"

"Well, you always wear it down like that. Why don't you try putting it up for once?"

Anna-Maria frowned. "I will remind you that I just got bangs two hours ago, and at **your** insistence, I might add. Besides, I like my hair let down."

"Fine, your hair will do. But put the dress and heels on."

Anna-Maria stared at her. "Holly, are you all right? Why the sudden interest in my appearance?"

"What sudden interest?"

Anna-Maria picked up her mobile phone. "Should I call a doctor first, or skip it and call the hospital right away?"

Holly laughed. "Oh, Anna-Maria, you're so funny; always joking."

"I was serious." Anna-Maria replied.

"Never mind that. Just wear the gown and heels already!"

"If I do, will it get you off my back and into a pair of wings?" Anna-Maria asked.

"Yes, I'll go now and get Artemis if you wear them." Holly replied.

"Fine, but I will NOT enjoy it."

**_Sorry the part with Artemis and Butler is so short… but it makes sense that it would take Holly a while to convince Anna-Maria to wear a dress (she's a bit of a tomboy). _**


	5. The Party

_**Sorry about my last chapter being so short guys; this one is a bit longer. Don't forget to review!**_

Anna-Maria stood on the veranda just outside the fanciest restaurant in Haven, _La Fantastica. _Mulch and Foaly stood next to her.

"Why did I have to wear a tux?" Mulch complained. "I look ridiculous."

"There's no use in only one of us feeling uncomfortable." Anna-Maria replied. "And I don't want to hear any more complaints out of you. At least you have regular shoes; these heels make me feel as if I'm on stilts."

"Why couldn't I bring my laptop?" Foaly asked. "And what difference do your heels make? You're already taller than everyone else in the restaurant."

"Foaly, don't make me repeat myself; this is supposed to be a birthday celebration. If you wanted your laptop you should have stayed home."

Trouble walked up onto the porch. "Hi guys, sorry I'm a little late, I" Then he spotted Anna-Maria. "I… uh… whoa. Um… nice dress."

Anna-Maria crossed her arms over her chest. "Not another word. And if you tell anyone at Police Plaza about this, you can expect 50 off your paycheck."

Foaly interjected. "You aren't late, Trouble; there are still five minutes left till eight. And Holly and Artemis haven't arrived yet."

"You spoke too soon, donkey-boy." Mulch said, pointing. "Here they come."

"Don't point, Mulch; it's rude." Foaly replied. "And don't call me 'donkey-boy'." He added.

"One argument and you're seriously going to get it from me, understood?"

Mulch and Foaly nodded. "Yes, Anna-Maria. No arguments."

Holly walked up to them. "Oh, Anna-Maria, you look wonderful." She stared at the tunneling dwarf. "That's a good look for you, Mulch."

"Well, at least I'm not the one in a dress." Mulch replied.

"First of all, it's a skirt; second of all, at least I would look good in a dress; unlike **some** fairies."

Artemis found himself staring at Anna-Maria until Trouble elbowed him in the ribs. "I'd be careful if I were you," He whispered. "She's Julius all over, so watch what you say. She packs a hard punch."

Artemis shrugged. "She hasn't threatened me yet. Well, except to sign my death notice if I showed up late tonight, which I haven't. I think it's safe to say that I'm protected from Anna-Maria."

Trouble frowned. "Maybe it's just me. She **is** my commanding officer after all." Holly punched him in the shoulder. Ow! What was that for?"

"Stop scaring Artemis!" She whispered.

Anna-Maria noticed Artemis' stare. "What? Is there a stain on my gown?"

Artemis snapped out of it. "Uh… no. Nice bangs; are they new?"

Anna-Maria pushed them out of her eyes. "Yes, I just got them a few hours ago. Are they too much?"

"No, they look great. I like your gown, red suits you." Artemis replied.

"Holly made me wear it." She grumbled. Then, louder, she said, "Shall we go inside? You're probably hungry; I know I am."

Artemis held the door open for her. "You read my mind."

Mulch whispered to Foaly, "Anna-Maria isn't really a mind-reader, is she?"

"No, of course not." Foaly replied.

"Oh, good… I was afraid Anna-Maria heard what I thought about the first time I ate soil. The waste from my other end hit my grandmother in the head." Mulch said.

Foaly stared at him. "If you were afraid Anna-Maria heard that, why would you tell me?"

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The waitress stared at Artemis and Anna-Maria. "Is there a problem?" Artemis asked.

The waitress spoke shakily. "N-no… it's just… we're not used to serving mud people here."

"I'm only half mud man." Anna-Maria told her, pushing a few strands of hair away from one of her ears so the waitress could see.

"Oh, yes; I see." She turned to Artemis. "What about you?"

"I'm fully mud man. But I think your job is to ask questions about our dinner, not our personal lives."

"Oh, yes. My apologies." She brought out some menus and gave one to each person in the booth. "Here are your menus. Pick anything you like."

Mulch lifted his. "Who is paying for all this?"

"We all are, except Artemis." Anna-Maria replied. "If you want to eat a lot, Mulch, you'll have to pay for it. Since the rest of us don't have such large appetites; we'll split up the cost, agreed?"

Everyone nodded.

"Surely I can help pay the cost?" Artemis said.

Anna-Maria smiled at him. "No, Artemis. It's your birthday; we'll pay for it. But if you really want to, you can assist in compensating the tip."

Artemis grinned. "I'll consider that option."

"Are you ready to order?" The waitress asked.

Holly browsed the menu. "Hmmm… I'll have a garden salad with ranch dressing and French beans with rice."

"I'll have veggie rice and a Caesar salad." Trouble said.

"I'll have sim-chicken, the Shepherd's pie, shrimp lo mein, two egg rolls, lobster, and some French fries."

Anna-Maria, Artemis, Holly, Foaly, Trouble, and the waitress all stared at Mulch.

"What? I like French fries."

Foaly shook his head to clear it. "I'll just have a garden salad with extra carrots on the side."

The waitress wrote it down. "And you two?" She asked Artemis and Anna-Maria.

Artemis looked at his menu again. "I will have the Ravioli Liguri and some Leonardo's Pasta e Ceci on the side."

Anna-Maria handed her menu to the waitress. "I will have the same."

The waitress jotted it down on her pad and took the menus. "I will be back with your order in a few minutes. In the meantime, please feel free to enjoy some of our freshly baked gourmet bread." She put a bread basket on the table and watched in horror as Mulch consumed half of its contents in a moment. "On second thought, I will be back momentarily."

"Mulch, this restaurant has a very prestigious reputation!" Anna-Maria scolded.

"What's your point?" He asked through a mouthful of bread.

"My point is that if we are going to eat in the same booth, don't embarrass the rest of us!"

"Well, okay! I won't embarrass you; I'm just hungry, that's all." Mulch replied.

"What's so unusual about that?" Foaly asked. "You're always hungry."

Mulch glared at him. "Watch it donkey-boy or I'll…"

Anna-Maria cleared her throat loudly. Mulch and Foaly looked down. "Sorry, Anna-Maria. We won't argue, and we won't embarrass you."

Artemis laughed. "That's the most effective method used to get Mulch and Foaly to stop quarreling that I've ever seen!"

Foaly frowned. "Well, Mud Boy; you wouldn't argue either if you were in danger of floating in mid-air!"

Anna-Maria's eyes turned silver. Foaly clamped his mouth shut. Trouble grinned and said, "I don't know if this is the best party I've ever been to; but it's definitely the most interesting!"

_**Should I have Grub Kelp come in as a special appearance? What do you think? And for those of you who are wondering, I haven't forgotten Minerva. I'll get to her after one more chapter. Keep reading if you want to know what Foaly and Holly have in store for Artemis and Anna-Maria; and never forget to review!**_


	6. The Setup

_**I'm back with another chapter! This one has more Grub and Trouble in it. Read and review!!!**_

Holly nudged Anna-Maria's shoulder. "Why don't you go fix your make-up for a minute or two?"

Anna-Maria looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Holly, I'm not wearing any make-up."

"Are you sure? I think I see a smudge near the corner of your left eye; it looks like foundation."

"I'm only fourteen, Holly; I don't need to wear foundation." Still, Anna-Maria took a compact from her purse and examined her face. "Holly, your supposed 'smudge' must be an invisible one because I don't see anything."

Artemis frowned and leaned closer. I can't see anything either. Is everyone feeling alright? You have all been acting strangely tonight."

Trouble shrugged. "I'm fine. Holly is starting to creep me out a little, though. I've never seen her act like this."

Foaly frowned and grabbed Mulch's arm. "I think I need to go to the bathroom." He announced.

Artemis looked at him. "And you are telling us because?"

Mulch tugged on his arm to remind the centaur that he was still holding it. "And why in Frond's name are you taking me with you?"

"You are going to have to go sooner or later. Why not sooner?" Foaly told him.

Holly got up. "I think I need the bathroom, too."

Anna-Maria frowned this time. "Did you two eat some bad carrots or something?"

"Of course, not." Holly grabbed Trouble's arm. "Come on, Trouble; you might as well go now too."

"But I'm a guy; I can't use the ladies' room!"

Holly seemed to force a laugh. "Not with me, silly. Go with Foaly and Mulch."

Trouble protested. "But I don't have to go right now, Holly." Foaly took his other arm. "Come on, Major; let's go."

Artemis and Anna-Maria watched them go, slightly confused. "That was odd." Anna-Maria said.

"Since when do they all go to the restroom at the same time?" Artemis wondered.

"They never do. It can't possibly be the food; there's nothing wrong with it." Anna-Maria's nose wrinkled. "Something fishy is going on here."

Artemis picked at Mulch's plate with a fork. "Are you sure you aren't simply smelling Mulch's shrimp lo mein?"

Anna-Maria smiled. "You are becoming quite the comedian, Artemis. But seriously, they were acting so eccentrically, especially Foaly and Holly." She ran her eyes over every corner of the restaurant. "Hmm… I think I found it."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Found what?"

Anna-Maria leaned forward and giggled girlishly. _Is there an illness going around that I don't know about?_ Artemis wondered. _One that affects only fairies and makes them behave unconventionally? If there is, I think Anna-Maria caught if from Foaly and Holly._

Anna-Maria giggled again. "Oh, Arty; why don't you say anything? It's not nice to be so quiet at your own birthday party."

'_Arty'? Something is definitely wrong here. _

"Anna-Maria, are you alright? Honestly?" He asked.

Anna-Maria fell into a fit of hysterical giggles.

_She's officially gone mad._ Artemis thought. _The pressure of being commander of the LEP has finally gotten to her and she's lost her mind. How am I expected to cope with this? Oh, great; I'm falling in love with a crazy girl. Perhaps a good healing would –_

Anna-Maria interrupted his thoughts. "Arty, why are you so far away from me?"

_What is she talking about? I am seated directly across from her!_

Anna-Maria reached out one hand and laid her fingers on the back of Artemis' neck. Her fingertips signed against his skin: _Relax, I'm fine. Foaly and Holly are taping this. Keep talking._

Artemis placed his own hand on her other one and signed back: _audio or visual?_

Smiling his vampire smile, he said, "I'm never far away from you, Anna-Maria."

_Both audio and visual. The audio is disguised as a packet of crushed pepper -it's right next to your left arm. The visual is a robotic fly perched on the wall behind your head. _She signed. _And Holly and Foaly are probably expecting us to recite imbecilic love poetry or something like that. Nice line by the way. _"Oh, Arty! You're so sweet!"

_Was that sarcasm about the line? _Artemis signed. _I won't ask how you know about the pepper packet, but a fly on the wall? We're underground; why would Foaly make something like that?_

_The packet is emitting radio signals. And several companies produce robotic flies; supposedly to make living at the center of the Earth's inner core more like the surface. This one appears to have been constructed in a hurry, and it has a camera lens in one eye. _

Artemis signed quickly so that his movements would be difficult to distinguish on tape. _How do you know? Your fairy hearing and sight?_

Anna-Maria nodded and said, "Yes, Arty; I never understood why the six flavors of quark were called 'up, down, top, bottom, charm, and strange'." _Yes, exactly._

_What do you think Holly and Foaly are doing now?_ Artemis signed.

Anna-Maria shrugged. _They are probably upset because we are not acting the way they expected we would._

_What exactly were their expectations?_

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Holly groaned as Anna-Maria giggled for the fiftieth time in a row. "What are they talking about now?" She asked Trouble.

"Haven't you been listening?"

"I stopped listening after the six flavors of quark thing." Holly replied.

"I think they are discussing the origin of the teddy bear." Foaly said.

"Why did you drag me over here? I wasn't finished with dessert." Mulch complained.

"You've had enough Turkish delight for three dwarves, Mulch." Foaly told him.

Mulch was about to retort when Holly saw something on the screen. "Wait! Is that who I think it is?"

Trouble leaned over the laptop. "Who?"

Holly pointed. "Right there. Recognize anyone, Trouble?"

"Oh-oh."

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_The origin of the teddy bear, Artemis? Holly, Trouble, and Foaly must be bored to tears right now._

_And Mulch? _Artemis signed back.

_Mulch is most probably mourning the loss of his dessert._

Anna-Maria suddenly frowned.

"What?" Artemis asked.

"Somehow I don't think this was a part of their plan." She whispered.

"What was?" Artemis turned. "Oh, this will be… interesting."

Grub Kelp made his way over to their table. "Hello, Fowl; Commander. Have you seen Trubs? He forgot this bouquet at home. I think it's for Holly."

Holly glared at Trouble, who said shakily. "It was for Artemis; I just forgot it on the kitchen table, that's all."

Grub continued. "Oh, here's the card. It says, 'Dear Holly, your hair with its lustrous shine and warmth reminds me of the sun; and I like the Earth, revolve around you.' Wait till I tell Mommy that Trubs is in love."

Trouble reddened. "Oh, Grub's going to get it now!"

"Trouble, go get your brother before he messes this up!"

The LEP major didn't even hear her because he was already out the door.

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"Well… at least Trouble can't tell anyone about me wearing a gown now." Anna-Maria said.

"Why not?" Artemis asked.

"Because I can tell everyone about that poem." She replied.

"Isn't that blackmail?"

"Only if you call it that."

Grub watched the verbal transitions between the two genii. He had absolutely no idea what they were talking about; but if he pretended to be interested, maybe he would get a promotion.

Trouble walked toward them quickly. "Grub, what are you doing here?"

Grub held up the bouquet. "You forgot your flowers, Trubs."

Trouble took the bouquet and tossed it out a window. "Forget the flowers, Grub. Come with me." He took his younger brother by the arm and started dragging him back to the room that Foaly's surveillance equipment was in; which happened to be a janitor's closet.

Grub began to whine, as usual. "But Trubs, I'm hungry. Can't we get something to eat first?"

"No, we'll eat later."

"When we get home I'm telling Mommy that you're starving me!"

Trouble stopped for a moment and picked up a roll from a basket on a table. "Here, eat this." He said, stuffing it into his brother's mouth. "Now come on."

Anna-Maria and Artemis watched them go with more than remote interest. "That was something." Anna-Maria commented.

"A fascinating experience?" Artemis offered.

"I suppose you could call it that."

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Grub frowned as he saw Foaly's surveillance equipment. "Trubs, why are you, Foaly, and Captain Short spying on the commander?"

"Don't forget me." Mulch said, grinning as Grub took a step back.

"I'm going to have to inform Mommy about this."

"We're not spying exactly, Grub." Holly told him. "We're just having a little fun, that's all."

"Does Commander Anna-Maria know about this?"

Holly was about to reply when Foaly cut her off. "She appears to. We just lost our audio; and it looks like we're about to lose our visual as well."

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_How do we get rid of the audio and visual recorders? _Artemis signed.

Anna-Maria grinned. _Watch me._ She looked directly at the fly and screamed, "Ah, a bug!", spilling her water over the pepper packet in the process. "There goes the audio, we can speak freely now."

"Wonderful; and the visual?"

Anna-Maria picked up her purse. "I knew this would be good for something." She said, smashing the robo-fly with it.

Artemis applauded quietly. "An excellent job, if I do say so myself."

Anna-Maria smiled and wiped robot parts off the bottom of her purse. "What do you think? Time for a confrontation?"

"Definitely."

Holly, Trouble, and Foaly all moaned simultaneously. "Do you think they know?" Trouble asked.

Foaly stared at the static on his screen. "Oh, they know."

_**The end? NOT! There's till one or two more chapters. I'll post the next one after I get at least 7 more reviews, so keep reviewing or you'll never see the end!**_


	7. Rematch

_**Okay, I don't think I have enough reviews but I'll update anyway. This chapter is pretty short; so don't be expecting something really long. Review when you finish reading!**_

Artemis and Anna-Maria stood outside the janitor's closet. "Are you sure this is it?" She asked.

"It has to be." Artemis replied. "Trouble headed in this direction. The only other options here are the men's bathroom and the ladies' bathroom; highly unlikely. Holly can't go in the men's bathroom and the others can't go in the ladies' bathroom. That leaves this closet."

Anna-Maria wrenched open the door and peered inside. There was nobody there, only a pile of surveillance equipment in a corner.

Artemis turned his head to the northeastern corner of the closet. "I believe I've found Holly."

Anna-Maria looked in the opposite direction. "I've found one or two hidden fairies too." She walked toward the corner and tugged on something invisible. The sheet of cam-foil gave way, exposing Mulch and Foaly.

Artemis looked a shielded Holly right in the eye. "Come out of there, Holly." Holly unshielded.

"How did you know where I was?" She asked.

"My hazel eye was tingling." Artemis replied.

"Oh… betrayed by an eye that used to be mine! How pitiful!" She poked something with her elbow. "Okay Trouble, unshield. Grub too." Both male elves unshielded.

Anna-Maria looked at them all and tapped her foot impatiently. "Well? I'm waiting for an explanation."

"So am I." Artemis said as he stood next to her. "First, let's go back to our booth. Then you can take turns explaining." Grub sheepishly walked out of the door, followed by Trouble, then Holly, then Mulch, and Foaly last; carrying his surveillance equipment.

Artemis allowed Anna-Maria to go before him. "I don't know about you but I feel as if my privacy has been invaded." He told her.

"I'd rather not admit it; but I agree."

They met everyone back at their booth. Anna-Maria sat next to Artemis so that she was facing all five fairies. "We're waiting."

Holly spoke up first. "We apologize, Artemis, Anna-Maria."

Foaly picked up from that point. "Sorry, Mud Boy. We were just a bit overly curious; we shouldn't have spied. And don't blame Trouble, Mulch, or Grub. They didn't even know; Holly and I planned this all by ourselves."

Anna-Maria sighed. "Well, you have apologized; and I can't speak for Artemis, but I accept it. And it was fun to act for you on the tapes."

"Yes it was." Artemis added. "And, I accept your apologies too."

Holly and Foaly nodded solemnly before they fully realized what Anna-Maria had said. "Acting?! What do you mean acting?"

Both genii grinned. "You don't think we'd really talk about the six flavors of quark and the origin of the teddy bear in these kinds of circumstances, do you?"

Holly groaned. "I thought those topics were too boring to discuss on someone's birthday… you two tricked us!"

Artemis grinned. "You two tricked us first."

Foaly had to laugh. "You know, the Mud Boy has a point."

Mulch scowled. "Who finished my Turkish delight?"

Grub smiled guiltily. "Sorry, I got hungry."

Anna-Maria smiled. "Never mind. We'll get some ice cream; my treat."

Everyone agreed and smiled. As they stood up, a serious expression came on Anna-Maria's face. Artemis noticed first. "Is something the matter?"

Anna-Maria seemed to be looking through him as she replied, "There's someone here who should not be."

"What is it?" Trouble asked. "That rogue troll escaped again?"

Anna-Maria touched her temple. "No, something smaller."

"Chix Verbil?" Holly offered.

"No, bigger." She answered shakily. "A human."

Holly laughed. "Well, Mud Boy here certainly has a right to be here. Don't overdo the joke, Anna-Maria."

Anna-Maria suddenly looked toward the door. "Not Artemis. Someone else." A sound equivalent to a small explosion rang through the restaurant, a sound that only Artemis and Anna-Maria herself recognized.

Anna-Maria's hand flew to her stomach and the other gripped the edge of a table tightly as each breath shortened and her pupils dilated. Everyone stared in shock at the blood trickling down her arm. "Minerva." She lost consciousness as soon as the whisper left her lips.

Artemis caught her just as Holly spotted a flash of blond hair as someone left the restaurant. "Not this time, Mud Girl." She said under her breath. "You're not getting away from me again." She darted out of the restaurant and followed Minerva's cloaked figure. She ran faster than she had ever run before; realizing that she did not have her neutrino or even a buzz baton, she leaped and smashed her weight against Minerva's back. The female genius collapsed on the ground; a human pistol slipped from her hands.

Trouble had followed Holly out. "I'll get her back to Police Plaza. Right now I think you should go back inside. There are a few people who need you."

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Holly pushed open the restaurant door and stared at the scene in front of her. "Holly!" Artemis cried. "I need help!"

The Section Eight captain gasped. Artemis had laid Anna-Maria out on the floor but allowed her head to rest on his leg; although it was not this she noticed. What got Holly's attention were the half-fairy girl's deathly pale face and the blood that continued to course down her evening gown.

"Oh, no."


	8. Happy Birthday

_**Sorry I haven't updated in a while here's the last chapter; and please review!**_

Holly leaned over the half-fairy girl and peered into her face. "Is she…?" She choked on the last word and could not bring herself to say it.

"No," Artemis replied. "She isn't dead; but she will be soon if she is not healed properly."

"Why is she still bleeding? Her magic should have healed her automatically." Foaly asked.

"Unlike your neutrino design, a pistol contains bullets. The bullet is actually **inside **Anna-Maria's body. The magic cannot push it out or heal around it; if it does then the bullet would be lodged in her stomach forever." Usually such explanations gave him flashes of pride and satisfaction, but now he felt nothing other than emptiness.

"So what do we do?"

Artemis looked at Holly. "We have to remove the bullet and heal her manually."

"Huh?" Mulch looked puzzled.

"We have to heal her ourselves." Foaly whispered.

"Yes, and fast." Artemis said.

"Then remove the bullet already." Holly told him.

"I need some tools; a pair of scissors and tweezers at the very least."

Holly looked around. "Does anyone have a first-aid kit?" When every person in the restaurant remained silent, she said, "I thought not."

Artemis thought. "I need something small; something… Antonina!"

Holly stared at him. "Antonina? What's an Antonina?"

Artemis tapped his breast pocket. "Not what; who. Antonina, come out here please." Holly watched as the palm-sized robot climbed up to his shoulder.

"Yes, Master Fowl. What do you require?"

"Antonina, what do you know about bullets?" Artemis asked.

A soft humming was heard as the robot gathered all the important information. "Bullet- ammunition used in manmade weapons; mainly the gun."

"Good. Can you extract one?" Artemis asked, ignoring the hopeful look on Holly's face.

Antonina made an odd noise that sounded a bit like a sigh. "I am sorry; I cannot. Fluid of any kind can ruin my circuits."

"And there we have the major con of technology." Foaly said; obviously not being helpful.

"However," the mini-robot continued, "I can guide you and supply the tools you need, although they will be very small."

"Small tools are the kind I need." Artemis said as Antonina sort of opened up and handed him a pair of scissors and one of tweezers.

Artemis examined the tear the bullet had left in Anna-Maria's gown before enlarging it with the scissors.

Grub spoke up. "Somehow, I don't think the commander will like the thought of anyone cutting up her dress, especially while she's in it."

Artemis spoke through gritted teeth. "Do you have a better idea?" He finished with his opening and frowned at the bullet-hole in Anna-Maria's skin. Antonina crawled onto his forearm to observe.

"Reach in with the tweezers carefully. I will tell you when the bullet has been located."

Artemis did so. "Go deeper." Antonina told him. "The bullet is wedged in between her stomach and pancreas."

"Thank you for that very graphic image." Mulch said. "I just ate."

Foaly tried not to kick the dwarf. "You always 'just ate'."

Artemis took a deep breath. "Fortunately, I took a class in medical science."

"Really genius-boy?" Holly said sarcastically. "I'm assuming you know where to pluck the bullet from, then. If so, do it now, before Anna-Maria's heart stops beating!"

"Sorry; I've never done something like this before." Artemis reached in with the tweezers and plucked the bullet from its resting place. "Oh,"

"Oh… what, Artemis?" Holly asked. "Yes, the tips of the tweezers and the bullet are covered in blood, but you have seen it before."

"The problem is not the blood, Holly. We don't have anything to put the bullet in."

Holly snatched Mulch's plate from his hands and gave it to Artemis, who took it and dropped the bloodstained bullet onto it with a _ping!_ Then he handed the plate back to Holly, who in turn gave it to Mulch, who grimaced at it for a moment before tossing it over his shoulder. "I'm not eating that."

Artemis leaned over the bullet wound. "Holly, this still has to be healed." Holly kneeled beside him and rolled up her sleeves before putting a finger in the wound. Blue sparks scurried over the hole as fresh skin cells were produced and blood cells replicated. When the sparks stopped suddenly, the injury was only half-healed. Artemis looked at Holly quizzically.

"I'm out of magic." Holly panted. She turned to Grub. "Got any magic, Grub?"

Grub squirmed uncomfortably. "I don't exactly like sticking my fingers in other people's insides. And I don't think the commander will like it if I do."

"But Anna-Maria's life is still in danger!" Holly cried. "We have to finish healing her now!"

Artemis gently elbowed her aside and put his own hand over the lesion.

"I don't think the commander will like that either." Grub commented.

"Then don't tell her." Artemis replied as blue sparks scampered from his fingertips to the abrasion.

"Can I tell my mommy?"

Holly frowned as she watched Artemis. "I thought you used up all the magic you stole from the time-tunnel."

Artemis kept his eyes on the blue sparks. "Well, I never exactly said that it was all used up. I was saving it for a time when it would be needed. Like right now." He withdrew his hand. The hole was gone; not even a mark was left on the skin to show that it had been broken.

"Why is the blood still on her gown?" Holly asked.

"It's been out of her bloodstream too long." Artemis replied. "The rest of her blood has been replicated so there is enough. When will she gain consciousness?"

"Anywhere from ten hours…" Anna-Maria stirred. "…to ten seconds." Foaly finished.

Anna-Maria opened her eyes and looked right at Artemis. "Thanks for saving me."

Artemis smiled at her. "You're welcome. You look nice in red, by the way."

Anna-Maria brushed her dark-brown bangs out of her eyes and sat up. "Thanks again, Artemis. But if you don't mind; I would like to change into something a little less torn and bloodstained."

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When Minerva first woke up, she kept her eyes closed as she thought. _What happened? I got hit in the back with something hard, and I lost consciousness. But that was after I shot Anna-Maria. I might be a murderer; but the girl had no business looking so pretty and flirting with Artemis like that _(if Anna-Maria heard that, Minerva would have ended up with broken limbs)_. Now I can get Arty back. The poor boy might be crushed, but I can lift him out of any depression. He'll just have to forget that Anna-Maria whatever-her-last-name-was._

Minerva opened her eyes to see Anna-Maria standing in front of her in an LEP uniform and let out a high-pitched scream. Artemis, on the other side of the room, held his ears. "Thank you, Minerva; I will bill you for the hearing-aid I now require." He made his way across to stand next to Anna-Maria.

"But-but I- I shot you! You're supposed to be dead! I specifically shot you with a pistol so that it couldn't be healed!"

"A bit of advice, Minerva," Anna-Maria told her. "Never harm a genius when there is another nearby to help. On second thought, never harm **anyone**."

Minerva turned to Artemis. "Arty! Make her go away! She came between us; get rid of her!"

Artemis smiled his vampire smile. "First of all, never call me 'Arty'; that is a right reserved solely for my mother. Second of all, you are the intruder here in Haven, not Anna-Maria. Third of all, there never was anything between us except friendship; and you ruined that yourself."

The French girl lowered her gaze. "So what kind of sentence are we talking about?"

Anna-Maria answered that one. "Well, normally the punishment for murder or attempted murder is a life sentence. That leaves the choice of your cell-mate; which I as your victim have a right to choose."

"Any ideas?" Artemis asked.

"We could put her in a cell with a troll…"

Minerva paled.

"…but she might give it a stomachache."

"You could put her in Howler's Peak, with all the goblins…" Artemis suggested, relishing the expression on Minerva's face. "…but they would probably be burning their own ears closed after the first hour or so."

"Or we could make her the cell-mate of a pack of dwarves… but she would most likely give them indigestion. There is still the option of putting her essence in a guinea pig, like Abbot, but…"

"_Mamma mia!_" Minerva cried as she collapsed back onto the bed, her eyes wide open till she hit the pillow. She began to spasm madly.

"How peculiar." Anna-Maria commented.

"Yes, you'd think she would have cried out in French instead of Italian." Artemis added as two nurses whisked the gurney out the door. "What are you really going to do with her?"

"We can't possibly keep her in Haven; she'll have to be mind-wiped." Anna-Maria replied.

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "That's three years of memories going down the drain."

"Not those memories. Believe it or not, we might actually need her help someday. Only today's occurrences are to be wiped from her memory." Anna-Maria explained.

"Hmm… I see." Artemis said. "That way she would never remember meeting you. Why do you think she was so jealous, anyway?"

Anna-Maria smiled. "I think you know why." She leaned toward him and kissed his cheek just as Holly opened the door and instantly regretted giving her camera to Foaly for cleaning a few minutes before. "I never got to give you a birthday kiss. Happy birthday, Artemis."

Holly closed the door as softly as she had opened it and went off to tell Foaly. And Artemis? He just kept one hand on his cheek until his phone rang.

Artemis looked at his cell phone for a moment before holding it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Arty?" Angeline sounded slightly flustered. But then again, with the twins around who wouldn't be? "Arty, I'm sorry we couldn't come back from Guam sooner; our plane was delayed."

"It's alright, Mother. I'll see you, Father, and the twins soon at home."

"I hope your birthday wasn't a big bore, dear."

"No, mother." Artemis grinned at Anna-Maria. "My birthday was actually quite eventful; you would find it hard to believe. I haven't had such an interesting day in a while now."

"Oh? Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I don't know about that, Mother; but I do know that there is someone I want you to meet."

_**Should I make a sequel where Anna-Maria meets Artemis' parents? If you think so, tell me. Review please!**_


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